What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
