btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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