dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
