I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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