I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
