Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
