My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
