I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
