I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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