I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize