this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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