actually, I'm a sock model
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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