watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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