3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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