So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
