I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
