Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm passing your future prison.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
