she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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