That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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