wakey wakey hands off snakey
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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