He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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