And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
