dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is the high leading the old right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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