I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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