there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize