sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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