Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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