For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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