So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
