So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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