i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
