whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
