i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
