i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
