cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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