you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
