theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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