if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize