so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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