True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize