Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
