I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
