I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
