I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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