had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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