OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
