I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
