Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
