I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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