"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
