he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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