Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
