WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How naked do you want me to be?
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