Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
