your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
