Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
