my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my being single is dangerous.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
