Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
