god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
