apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
