you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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