is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
