I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
