Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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