im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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