I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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