well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
