Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
