I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
