I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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