She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
