Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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