im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
