Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
